I Have An Incredible Talent For Crafting Titles
And for crafting coy subtitles to tease a theme.
Only Child is a free newsletter you can read, cackle at, and subscribe to. Sometimes, I write about my opinions. Other times, I pour out some warm nonsense. Good old-fashioned fun all-around either way. Wheeee! Thanks.
A Quick Announcement…
I’m changing up my schedule to release this newsletter every other Monday instead of Sunday! The sun’s coming out, vaccines are a-flowin’, and I already know I’m gonna need two whole lazy weekend days to write instead of just one.
Back To Bidness.
Usually, I have something to say in this newsletter. Something with substance. This past week, though, as the temperature in New York reached the high 60s, my creative wells have run dry. I played outside and enjoyed the warm(er) weather instead of hunching over my keyboard like a run-of-the-mill gremlin.
So instead, this week, I wanna share the contents of a running note I keep in my phone called “Cool Titles for Things,” which I started because I like titles a lot and think they’re underrated. The note contains a list of variable-length phrases that I, at some point in time, felt with intense conviction would be the compelling name of a film, book, band, album, store, short story. When I look back at these listings, however, some (most) of the magic is lost. I can’t recall my intention behind them. Here’s me attempting to explain 10 hand-picked old titles I scribed over the last year or so.
“The End of Yesterday”
This one is kind of cool, but it also kind of stinks. It’s the needlessly gritty and declarative title for the sci-fi thriller that everybody will see, whether they want to or not. Or the name of an ambient song in Spotify’s “Sleep Music” playlist.“Look Up, You’re A Man.”
I had a little phase where I was really into full-sentence titles. Not sure what this one means, but I kind of like it. I probably thought of it during a long Lyft ride, looking out the window, imagining some dramatic song (titled this!) playing in the background.“The Thing We’re Drowning In”
Probably definitely a book about a high school kid who struggles to balance his school work, social life, and swim team practice (because the thing he’s drowning in is his responsibilities). But at the very end, he drowns at a swim meet for real. BUT then he’s resuscitated and can now like speak fluent Armenian or something.“Allowing for Traffic”
I actually remember this one, even though it’s one of the earlier entries in this list. I had this fantasy that if I, someone who does not actively produce or distribute music, released a debut solo album, then this would be the title. It’s supposed to mean that dreadful feeling of prolonged hesitation when making a mundane but dangerous decision, like crossing a busy intersection. And the cover would have a cartoonishly-rendered version of me standing on a median as caricatures of cars whiz by.“Maintenance Man”
This one is close to the heart. Maintenance, as an idea, speaks to me deeply. I love the ritual of taking care of something over and over again, consistently. Plus, the first year after I graduated and moved to Seattle, I made this little video where I recited a poem I’d written voiced over footage of me doing mundane daily tasks. Also there is some nice alliteration.“Fewer Pillars”
Inspired by existing titles with similar cadences (“Better Things,” etc.), this one feels like the name of a self-serious crime drama, á la True Detective, about how a rookie cop discovers the rampant moral decay lurking underneath humanity’s thin veneer (the pillars, in this case, being the pillars of society 🤯🤯🤯🤯). Probably thought of it after all four screws fastening our kitchen seat to the chair frame fell out.“Furnishing”
Kind of reminiscent of Maintenance Man. Probably thought of it after watching that “what’s a video that lives in your head rent-free” TikTok.“Machinery Exploding”
Probably thought of this one after venting my Instant Pot.“We Will Have Work To Do.”
Probably thought of this one when I had a very busy day ahead of me.“Term and Condition”
Action thriller about two young-but-with-old-soul vigilantes, coincidentally named Steven Term and Bartholomew Condition, who viciously deliver justice to every criminal that gets away with their crimes until they finally have to answer for reneging on employment offers at a big tech company and are blackballed by the industry for violating its one and only…term and condition 😎😎😎
OK that’s what I got. I’m curious to know if any of you guys similarly have favorite titles, whether it’s from published media or something you made up yourself. Leave a comment below if you got something good (or bad)!
Other Things Of Note
This newsletter post by Nabeel at LowLiftAsk about the lost wonder of stumbling upon a piece of media rather than choosing something that’s in some way, whether by recommendation or news feed, decided by an algorithm.
This other newsletter post by Haley Nahman of Maybe Baby about shallow technological advances (like grocery store self-checkout): the kind that seem like progress but really are just fancy distractions.
This Raptitude post, equal parts heartfelt and devastating, about understanding the nature of one’s own reality. Here’s a passage from it that hooked me:
As long as I can remember, it seemed like other people were having a much easier time doing most of what everyday life entails.
My sense was that I had missed some important announcement at some point, or that everyone else had received some kind of secret Normal Person Adult Life Training, which allows them to manage such feats as following a recipe correctly, studying, maintaining a household, and achieving goals with a timeframe longer than an afternoon.
This missed training also apparently covered many social abilities, such as saying things without mentally rehearsing them first, returning faulty items to the store, or answering a question you didn’t expect someone to ask you.
Especially as I entered adulthood, everyone else seemed to view all this everyday life stuff without much trepidation, while for me it all felt tricky and dangerous, requiring a kind of stressful mental juggling I wasn’t very good at. Many tasks felt so hard to navigate that I seldom finished them. I tried to organize my life around not having to do them.
Only Child is a weekly newsletter about finding excitement in the mundane. Tell your friends and enemies to subscribe!
—Chuckry Vengadam (@churrthing)
Lol, so many title ideas. Can projects even exist without titles? I feel like titles are the original memes.
Can't say why but the title Nomadland has stuck with me.